#TheSW30 – Day 5 : The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

DAY 5Day 5 : The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

Should we really care about what other people think about us? In most cases, I personally don’t give a damn especially if it has to do with my decisions in life now that I am already an adult and chose to be alone than to be in a bad relationship. For as long as it does not bring harm to the environment, to my family and to the people around me and to myself, then I don’t really care. How people will take my decisions in life is not my problem anymore.

But since we are talking about being single in this blogging challenge by Mandy Hale which I gladly took, let me share what misconceptions I occasionally think that people has about single life. I’ve been in the two sides of the coin sometime in my life so I guess it can be two things :

1. Single life can be boring and lonely. – People may think it’s boring life being alone in a well furnished condo or apartment, cooking a meal for one and eating alone. It’s boring to watch tv or DVDs alone and finishing that bowl of popcorn all by yourself.  It can be lonely to sleep and wake up each day in your bed alone. It even gets lonelier when a single person, living solo gets sick and there’s no warm hands who will check on your temperature. No one to prepare that much needed soup. It can gets even lonelier to home each night to your empty space with no one to talk to about how your day has been, your hopes and dreams in life and what are your current achievements and latest splurges. It’s lonely to work so hard for no one but to yourself and to your unknown future. It’s so lonely not to hear that cute laughter of a loving partner or noise of kids in running and screaming in the house. So lonely not to receive warm kisses and hugs from these wonderful bunch of happiness. Does it sound too much of a drama to you now? Let’s move on to the next.

2. Single life can be fun and happy. –  Single life can be fun when you can date anyone and look into different options before selecting the one whom to get committed to.  For others being single is a chance to party, party and party. You can come and go anytime you want. Drink all you can without having to worry that a partner would be really mad for being such an irresponsible adult lest not bring him/her with you. Should you screw up at work because of your excessive partying or simply by being irresponsible, no hard feelings. You can always accept to be get kicked out from job or a project. Anyway, you are single and you look for another job somewhere else. You can be a bum for a couple of weeks or months, it won’t hurt that much until your emergency fund runs out. When you are single you can always get every opportunity that comes your way. You are on your own and every decisions you make are for your own self.  You can travel a lot, be anywhere you wished to be. You can dine in good restaurants or even hotels and grab that expensive coffee anytime you want with no guilt that you are spending the money for the supermarket budget or the kid’s tuition fees.

A single life can be lonely or happy, I’ve been there on and off. Loneliness is normal,  it’s just how one deal with it that matters. If you are living solo and single but you never forget that you still have a family and lots of friends, you can always call or see them, invite them over your lonely place and be happy. Throw a small party with them, besides you have all the money all to yourself because you are single. When the party is over, don’t be sad and cry in the corner of your lonely room. Be glad that you have them in your life. Happiness is a choice, if you just keep looking at the sad part of your life, then you will surely be lonely. Your happiness should not only depend on the achievements you made, the money you have and the excessive partying and dating you are privileged to do when you are single. Remember, when you’re single and you date, don’t take it as a badge to sleep around. Try not to break too many hearts including your’s. It will torn yourself in the process leaving you worthless (if you will not change) when the right one comes along. Life is how we made it. Choose to be happy like responsible adults do.

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#TheSW30 Blogging Challenge – Day 4 : Your biggest fear as a single person

DAY 4Day 4 : Your biggest fear as a single person.

Fear even to the smartest and strongest person is one of the most normal feeling one could ever experience.  It’s the thin line between being in one’s comfort zone and his/her life’s next adventure. Fear is sometimes the deciding point whether we keep going or pause for awhile or stay.  Fear is inevitable but should be surpassed before it consumed you completely.

I have my own share of fears over the years, some of it I learned to deal with and eventually overcome. Some are still a work in progress, but so far, so good. It helps me in my toes, kept me me balanced and focused on what I am supposed to be doing at this point in my life while I wait for God’s gift to be delivered.

Let me share my top 5 fears I used to have being a single and how I dealt with them :

1. Fear that people would think something is wrong with me. I used to feel that others may think just because I am independent, tough, frank and strong-willed woman, I am driving away men in my life.

How I dealt with it : I finally accepted who I am. I may not perfect but totally not bad. What others perceived a bad characteristic of a woman can be something attractive to someone else. For as long as I don’t forget that men were created by God to be respected and loved, then I should be okay. Each man should be appreciated and understood, that’s men’s  best definition of being loved.  Of course I am fully aware of my bad traits and I am in the process of improving myself to become a better person each year of my life.

So to you, my dear ex who once told me during a break-up drama, that I am too smart and knows everything (in a sarcastic tone and insulting kind of way), you may succeed in hurting me at that point, but I looked at the brighter side of it, took it as a constructive criticism. Thanks for acknowledging the fact that I am smart, we both know now why we ended up apart. But definitely I still do not know everything, and never will be because that could be too freaky.

2. Fear that I would end up lonely and alone. With friends and family around, I believe that can’t be possible. But life has full of surprises, and I don’t want to come unprepared.

How I dealt with it : I get myself busy with opportunities and keep my options open to possibilities. I live my life to the fullest, in a way that I know and can, I made friends and eliminate not-so friends. I only need a few but with quality, you know. And above all, I will always remember that no matter happens, my family would be there for me always. Did I mentioned I already have one niece and three nephews I truly adore and loves me in return somehow.

3.  Fear that I would be less valuable in the market if I turned 30, or worse 40 : When I turned 30 and I still feel and looked 20s. I’m turning 39 this month and I still get that ‘di halata’ (looks younger than my age) remarks from those who asked me about my age which I never lied about. I’ve gained a few pounds and Sexy was no longer my second nickname (not just because of Jinggoy, but because it doesn’t fit me well anymore). But I am still confident, but I don’t want to be too confident.  So….

How I dealt with it : Ageing is something that we have no control of.  Sad truth, most men are visually oriented so we must do our part as a woman, not only for them but for ourselves, first and foremost.  I quit smoking (I’m on my 5th year already), I limit my drinking (my last experience on drinking has gone terribly wrong and I promised not to do that anymore), I started losing weight (from 110lbs to bloated to 145lbs, now I am 134lbs.) more to lose, I can do it I believe. I do moisturize my skin now when before I was a wash and wear kind, no lotions or anything.  Now, I visit the derma clinic for my zits before it gets worse.  I took my vitamins and supplements. I still have to work on my sleeping habits and other health matters. But I am getting there.

4. Fear that I would be too comfortable and content being alone that I would no longer need other people in my life. Again, that would be impossible. I have this habit of evaluating myself periodically. I am open to change and I accept opinions and criticisms.

Let me share you an incident when I realized that I should not be too comfortable because it hurts other people.

This happened to me twice or thrice already on different occasion and with different persons. The most recent was when I went to the mall with a guy friend from the office to get his laptop fixed in the service center. We went to check also other shops for gadgets and accessories.

So after hopping to several shops, I felt hungry and decided to went down to the fast food area to grab a bite. I was about to take the escalator when I realized I have to go back to second to the  last shop I’ve been to. There I found my guy friend inside the shop, with his most accusing stare at me as I enter.  Just before I could ever start with my alibi he faked an angry statement ‘hoy babae nakalimutan mo na may kasama ka ano? (hey, you totally forgot you have company do you?). The male salesmen attending to him seems to be at the edge of bursting into laughter as I tried to weave a lie. My friend was certain (and kept on nagging till the following day) that I did forget I am with him really. He even went on and on about being too used to being alone that I forget company. He’s right, maybe. So I did not contest anymore, I just chose to  learn my lesson. Glad he was not a date or bf (again) though.

How I dealt with it : Of course I still go out on my own. I will do that for as long as I enjoy the company of myself.  But this time, I tried to grab an office mate, a friend to simple errands I used to do alone. I phoned friends to ask for directions, for an opinion, or to simply call and talk to them as I do my shopping. I attend birthday celebrations (or at least remember to greet them) whenever I can.  Guess with these, it will also help me get rid of my fear #2.

5. Fear of not able to have my own child. Let me admit that this made it to my BIGGEST fear. It is something that I totally have no control of.  I fully understand that at my age (who has never given birth nor gotten pregnant) , it’ll be hard to conceive a child. And if I do, chances are it will be definitely difficult and risky.

How I dealt with it : Leave everything to Him. Prayers, prayers and prayers. Be ready for surprises.

Let me end this post with a quote I found somewhere online :

Fear is nothing more than an obstacle that stands in the way of progress. In overcoming our fears we can move forward stronger and wiser within ourselves. 


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#TheSW30 Blogging Challenge Day 2 : Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked

Day 2 of #TheSW30

Day 2 of #TheSW30

Day 2 : Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

I had a hard time remembering that moment because it has become a practice already that whenever the feeling occurs, I should immediately dismiss the bad feeling. Just when I’m about to give up writing for the 2nd day challenge, I took a mental check of single friends I have, their own stories and how they are dealing with their current relationship status, as far as I know. Then I remember that one moment in my life. The moment when I promised myself that I’m done waiting and I’m moving on.  

It happened almost more than 10 years ago, I attended a friend’s wedding. Weddings, for singles may be a dreadful event to attend especially if you don’t have a date. Or if you bring a partner, it can become a pressure when friends started to tease about ‘you’ll be next’ and your guy seems to have no plans yet. No proposal made to be exact. But I am such a courageous girl. I love to attend celebrations. Though I don’t normally attend the ceremony, because I want to skip the part that I get teary eyed every time the priest pronounced that the couple is now officially husband and wife. But this friend of mine has made sure that we will attend the wedding including the ceremony despite of my attempts of skipping it. I came in late, but I arrived just in time to see someone I never thought of seeing too soon, let us  call him Mr. M. 

Fast forward a few months ago to that day, I was sort of ‘friendly-dating’ Mr. M. Friendly dating could be the best term because we seem to hang out like ‘friends’ or barkada. I can honestly say, that I am truly loving his company. He’s cute, funny, smart and really, really nice to be with. Been seeing him for quite awhile and friends starts to question why. We just ignore the teasing, besides, we only grab burgers together once in awhile, we watch movie and cartoons together. On some days we would hang out for a couple of hours, just talking about anything or sometimes sitting quietly saying nothing. We sometimes accompany each other to errands and even job applications (now I find it weird why we do that). But we never talked about what we have or if we are going to move to the next level.

Though he never showed anything more than just ‘company’ and ‘friendship’, I chose to stop seeing other guys and minimized time spent with my other friends simply because I truly want to know him more and I felt somewhere in his sound actions, he’s doing the same thing too. We simply don’t want to rush things. I never questioned his actions. On my part, I never showed anything that will encourage him to question my own actions and feelings for him. Yes, I am a sucker of ‘slow burn’ relationships and I intend to do that to persons whom I learned to terribly like. 

Until one day, he just didn’t show up. He skipped the routine of calling or paging me. I wanted to ask and page him (yes, pagers were the ‘in’ thing during that time). But I chose not to because I thought he was just busy with his new job. Later on I realized that I got too much pride to do it.  Then one day a friend told me that he have seen him at the church with someone else. It just hurts to hear about it especially we never been to going to church which I believe during that time is something. But the stubborn side of me is determined not to show my feelings not even to the bearer of the ‘bad news’.  I took it so lightly and convinced myself that there’s really nothing between us so I shouldn’t put up a drama. But in my heart I am hoping that it’s just a stage he’s going thru (you know men, they would like to fool around but will always go back to someone he is more serious about). I am hopeful that he will be back to seeing me again soon. As days turned to weeks, weeks to months, I don’t see and hear from him. It saddens me even more knowing that while I stay single, he maybe happier somewhere with someone else. 

Going back to the ceremony,… so I arrived late. I checked where our friends in the church were seated. I’m glad I went with a friend because as soon as I recognized Mr. M from afar seating beside a girl and some of our friends with their own respective partners, I quickly I decided to skip a few more rows ahead from them. As I grabbed my friend’s hand, I just motioned to them that we will just see them at the reception later. Deep inside I regret  taking a leave from work just to attend this wedding, and experience this encounter. Walking-out and making up an alibi came in my mind, I fear that we might be end up seating on the same table later. That could really tensed us both. But no, I don’t want that much drama. So I gather all the courage to stay, although deep inside me, I’m hating myself for not bringing a male date to the wedding, I hated that I ever attended the wedding. I hated it because I am single that very time that I believe I shouldn’t be.

When we arrived the reception, I didn’t see him anymore. Or maybe I was too good convincing myself that we’re not in the same room that I totally lose sight of him. I never attempt to approach him which may come as weird to our friends because they know we are close. But anyway, glad that he did not attempt to approach me either because I really don’t know how to react. I also realized that things really happen for a reason. If I didn’t come to the ceremony, I may not be able to see him. I may not be able to find out myself. So, I tried to enjoy the party, but it was the hardest thing to do when you see all your friends with their own partners then I realized that we are all in our marrying age, some were married already and sooner the rest would one by one settle down. That moment I am sad about the thought that we may not bond as much as we do like when we are all still single, things will totally become different.  I was also sad because I know there’s no sense in waiting for Mr. M anymore. That would be totally a stupid thing to do. 

Before that day ends, I am decided to be in a relationship again. I realized that it was stupid to wait for someone whom you are not sure if he want to be with you in the first place.  Then I resumed dating a certain nice guy (let’s call him Mr. D, I might tell a story about him in the days to come) whom I know even before I met Mr. M thru a friend from work. I just just stopped seeing Mr. D, because I got more interested with the latter.

For the other single ladies (and men) out there reading this, don’t feel bad if there would be days that you feel that being single just suck. It’s but normal to feel that way. Just think of this : even married people or those in a relationship sometimes thinks that being tied-up with someone sucks as well. But at the end of the day, when someone chose to be happy there would be a long list of reasons to be. We can’t deny that having a partner, a child and a family is one of the ultimate happiness one can ever experience. 

I also remember one friend about the same age as me ( I am by the way 38 already) once said that it is okay to cry at night if we are lonely and feeling alone. Even a vibrant, smart, pretty girl and a great source of inspiration to many because of her achievements, an almost perfect kind of girl a guy would want to marry and bring to his family can feel lonely and alone at times. That balances out the times that we are happy with just about anything that’s happening to us.  Just trust the Lord that He has better plans for us. By the way, my friend just got married this year to a guy who she believes, God’s answers to her prayers.  

So while we wait (oh no, I’m never tired of waiting) don’t forget that life must go on, we must achieve something in this life, at least be an inspiration to others, get busy with life – don’t stop learning and sharing. Let us celebrate life, single or not. And remember, whatever happens there’s a God who knows what’s best for us. 

Coming up next is day 3 of the #TheSW30 blogging challenge, it’s about a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.


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#TheSW30 Blogging Challenge Day 1 : “And why are YOU still single?”

DAY 1The author of the book ‘The Single Woman’, Mandy Hale started a  30-day Blogging Challenge, and I learned about it thru Facebook and I’m joining in the challenge. I believe this will help me also to stay in my habit to update my blogs and business websites regularly.

Today, being day 1 is about  one of the most favorite question people ask to single women. So how do I respond to “And why are you still single?”.  To some it may be a dreadful question to answer while for others it’s just some random simple question that needs an honest or witty answer. I chose to fall on the latter kind.

My usual witty response would be : “Ohhh (looks at my watch) it’s late (or too early). Let me try my luck again tomorrow (or maybe later)”.  Some may hear it as like I just missed the bus and I can always wait  for the next one to arrive anytime. For the more sensitive kind of people, they would take it as a subtle way to avoid a complicated question that has no convincing answer just yet. Depending on the reaction of the person on my response who asked, I would try to provide a polite answer or a rough one when provoked.

1. If the person laughs at my usual response : I will take it as an opportunity to kid about the question at hand. Thus, giving no proper answer why. Honestly, I sometimes think that I don’t really know why.

2. If the person sounded concern : I simply say I don’t know but I give the assurance that I am okay being single, at least now. Followed with ‘I don’t want to rush into things, I’m still young’. Now if that statement makes the person laugh, then I can do #1.

3. If the person sounds like he/she is just intriguing me  : With a smile, my immediate response would be a straight ‘It’s none of your business. haha!’. Then the topic will be dropped instantly.

4. The meanest reply I gave was –  ‘And why are you still married?’. lol.

I have a couple of single friends and occasionally I would also ask them the same question being thrown to me and it’s funny to hear how each of them has an amusing answer. Yes, we chose to take it lightly every time.

Seriously, in my heart I strongly believe that God created us in pairs, He only separated us in the beginning so we can better appreciate our pair when it’s time to unite again – in His time of course.  For now, I don’t want to stress myself thinking about why, the same way that I wish the people around me would trust me whenever I say, I am worried which I believe it’s a normal thing to feel, but I have strong faith that God has better plans for me.

For Day 2 of the challenge, I will post about a moment or a day (I don’t have much, honestly) when being single really sucked.

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Are you game for a 30-day Single Woman’s Blogging Challenge? I am.

Today, I found out about the The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge on Facebook which the author, Mandy Hale started to help her jumpstart her creativity. At first I didn’t realized it’s gonna be about single blessedness until I clicked the link. I am currently in the process of updating my own personal blog (too much pending posts and exporting old blogs to my new domain name, argh!).

I guess I will take this challenge to help me jumpstart my own creative juices. I haven’t blog for quite awhile, so I better start off with this. The 30-day challenge will basically have the following topics. Anybody can start any day and may need not to stress herself to blog everyday. But hey, it’s a challenge, if you can afford to do it, just do it. Right? 🙂

To view my blog posts (which I will start posting tmrw, Oct. 16),  just click the links below or at my blog page at  #TheSW30. Happy reading and please share. Thanks!  :

The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge

1)      Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

2)      Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

3)      Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

4)      Your biggest fear as a single person.

5)      The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

6)      Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

7)      Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

8)      Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

9)      Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do (For example, I sometimes dance around the house with my cat to Frank Sinatra)

10)   Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

11)   Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

12)   Your proudest accomplishment

13)   Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

14)   Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful

15)   Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

16)   If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?

17)   What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

18)   If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?

19)   What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

20)   Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it

21)   How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

22)   What fictional character in a movie, tv show, or book do you identify with and why?

23)   Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!)

24)   If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

25)   Describe a moment when you “paid it forward.” What happened and how did it feel?

26)   Name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why

27)   Talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.

28)   Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career, Love, etc.

29)   Who is your closest or most special friend that you’ve never met and what do they mean to you? How did you cross paths? Talk about how you “met” them: Facebook, Twitter, an online support group, etc.

30)   Write a letter to your future mate saying whatever you want to say

Invite anyone who you think might be interested to participate. Post links to your blog posts in the comments below so we can all check them out! Or use the hashtag #TheSW30 on Twitter!

Mandy Hale’s book ‘The Single Woman’ is available on Amazon. Grab a copy now. I might get one for myself too as a birthday present to self.  But I don’t mind getting one from someone too. Hahaha!

It is also available in the Philippines at Powerbooks and National Bookstores. Hey, you can order online too.  🙂

sw powerbooks

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