#SW30 Blogging Challenge Day 7 : Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

DAY 7Where am I in my life vs. where I thought I would be at this point?

Honestly, I am presently not in the kind of life I want at this point. But who am I to complain?

We can always dream and do something about pursuing our dreams, but if it’s not God’s will, I know it will not happen. It will remain as a dream until  God makes us realize that what we want for ourselves is not in His plan.

He always has better ones for us. Like a gift, he prepared one for us. A very special gift for us to open when it’s time. Maybe the ribbons are not available, or maybe the box or the gift wrapper is not present yet. Maybe those were the reasons why it’s taking too long.

While I wait, I will not question Him. I will not lower the notch of my excitement.  I will not lose hope… will not lose  belief in His plan for me. I know in my heart, I am getting there. In God’s time.

Jhoie pink sign trans

Advertisements

#TheSW30 Blogging Challenge Day 6 : Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

DAY 6Day 6 : Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

The quote was lifted from the magazine interview with Nick, a male escort/professional hooker played by Dermot Mulroney in the romantic comedy film The Wedding Date (2005). The movie was about a single lady, Kat in her mid 30’s, (played by Debra Messing of Will and Grace) who was so pressured by her half-sister’s wedding that caused her to hire Nick to pose as her boyfriend.  It was a good romantic comedy film, though personally I think it lacks the ‘kilig’ factor. I liked the twist and the ending anyway. It left me thinking, if I were in Kat’s shoes (or in her cute little dresses haha) having a suave, smart, hot guy like Nick will I be willing to shell out some cash for some cover up rescue? Maybe not.

Now going back to the question at hand, do you believe that every woman has the exact love life she wants? Answer could be a yes or no.

Yes. Being the kind of woman of today, who knows what we want in life, who goes an extra mile to be there. We chase our dreams, we make things happen. With this characteristics, it’s close to impossible that we can’t be at the kind of love life we want. We use our brains, we use our heart. Either way, we will be where we want to be in a relationship. It can be good or bad for us, but we feel and think that we belong here and we can handle it.

Single people are single, because they chose to be. They may want the freedom, they are spared from a possible heartache of being with a partner or having a responsibility that comes with it.  They have more time for just about anything.

Bottom line is, single or not, we will be exactly where we want to be. Miserable or not. Who cares? It’s our own problem and we will surely learn from it.

No. Most young girls grow up with the Princess and Prince concept of love life, who wouldn’t wish for happy endings? Can we blame the bed time stories told to us by our parents or the ones first taught in kinder? Shall we blame the romantic comedy flicks we’ve seen and books we read. No need.

Fairy tale is something we want to be once in awhile in our lives. Of course nobody wants to experience pain and heartache. No one wants to be lead on, only to left with shattered hearts after and if we do, there would be that one knight in shining who will swept us off our feet and rescue us. Sadly these are just in fairy tales and romantic books or movies. These may or may not happen in real life. But so what? The journey itself is good enough.

There’s a saying that goes “Life is how we made it”. Where we are right now in our life and love is where we wanted to be. Whatever happens in between our journey to today, may either break us or make us. It’s a choice, up to us how to take it. Do not regret, always learn from it. What you do today is where will lead you to your tomorrow. Just make the most of it.

Jhoie pink sign trans

#TheSW30 Blogging Challenge – Day 4 : Your biggest fear as a single person

DAY 4Day 4 : Your biggest fear as a single person.

Fear even to the smartest and strongest person is one of the most normal feeling one could ever experience.  It’s the thin line between being in one’s comfort zone and his/her life’s next adventure. Fear is sometimes the deciding point whether we keep going or pause for awhile or stay.  Fear is inevitable but should be surpassed before it consumed you completely.

I have my own share of fears over the years, some of it I learned to deal with and eventually overcome. Some are still a work in progress, but so far, so good. It helps me in my toes, kept me me balanced and focused on what I am supposed to be doing at this point in my life while I wait for God’s gift to be delivered.

Let me share my top 5 fears I used to have being a single and how I dealt with them :

1. Fear that people would think something is wrong with me. I used to feel that others may think just because I am independent, tough, frank and strong-willed woman, I am driving away men in my life.

How I dealt with it : I finally accepted who I am. I may not perfect but totally not bad. What others perceived a bad characteristic of a woman can be something attractive to someone else. For as long as I don’t forget that men were created by God to be respected and loved, then I should be okay. Each man should be appreciated and understood, that’s men’s  best definition of being loved.  Of course I am fully aware of my bad traits and I am in the process of improving myself to become a better person each year of my life.

So to you, my dear ex who once told me during a break-up drama, that I am too smart and knows everything (in a sarcastic tone and insulting kind of way), you may succeed in hurting me at that point, but I looked at the brighter side of it, took it as a constructive criticism. Thanks for acknowledging the fact that I am smart, we both know now why we ended up apart. But definitely I still do not know everything, and never will be because that could be too freaky.

2. Fear that I would end up lonely and alone. With friends and family around, I believe that can’t be possible. But life has full of surprises, and I don’t want to come unprepared.

How I dealt with it : I get myself busy with opportunities and keep my options open to possibilities. I live my life to the fullest, in a way that I know and can, I made friends and eliminate not-so friends. I only need a few but with quality, you know. And above all, I will always remember that no matter happens, my family would be there for me always. Did I mentioned I already have one niece and three nephews I truly adore and loves me in return somehow.

3.  Fear that I would be less valuable in the market if I turned 30, or worse 40 : When I turned 30 and I still feel and looked 20s. I’m turning 39 this month and I still get that ‘di halata’ (looks younger than my age) remarks from those who asked me about my age which I never lied about. I’ve gained a few pounds and Sexy was no longer my second nickname (not just because of Jinggoy, but because it doesn’t fit me well anymore). But I am still confident, but I don’t want to be too confident.  So….

How I dealt with it : Ageing is something that we have no control of.  Sad truth, most men are visually oriented so we must do our part as a woman, not only for them but for ourselves, first and foremost.  I quit smoking (I’m on my 5th year already), I limit my drinking (my last experience on drinking has gone terribly wrong and I promised not to do that anymore), I started losing weight (from 110lbs to bloated to 145lbs, now I am 134lbs.) more to lose, I can do it I believe. I do moisturize my skin now when before I was a wash and wear kind, no lotions or anything.  Now, I visit the derma clinic for my zits before it gets worse.  I took my vitamins and supplements. I still have to work on my sleeping habits and other health matters. But I am getting there.

4. Fear that I would be too comfortable and content being alone that I would no longer need other people in my life. Again, that would be impossible. I have this habit of evaluating myself periodically. I am open to change and I accept opinions and criticisms.

Let me share you an incident when I realized that I should not be too comfortable because it hurts other people.

This happened to me twice or thrice already on different occasion and with different persons. The most recent was when I went to the mall with a guy friend from the office to get his laptop fixed in the service center. We went to check also other shops for gadgets and accessories.

So after hopping to several shops, I felt hungry and decided to went down to the fast food area to grab a bite. I was about to take the escalator when I realized I have to go back to second to the  last shop I’ve been to. There I found my guy friend inside the shop, with his most accusing stare at me as I enter.  Just before I could ever start with my alibi he faked an angry statement ‘hoy babae nakalimutan mo na may kasama ka ano? (hey, you totally forgot you have company do you?). The male salesmen attending to him seems to be at the edge of bursting into laughter as I tried to weave a lie. My friend was certain (and kept on nagging till the following day) that I did forget I am with him really. He even went on and on about being too used to being alone that I forget company. He’s right, maybe. So I did not contest anymore, I just chose to  learn my lesson. Glad he was not a date or bf (again) though.

How I dealt with it : Of course I still go out on my own. I will do that for as long as I enjoy the company of myself.  But this time, I tried to grab an office mate, a friend to simple errands I used to do alone. I phoned friends to ask for directions, for an opinion, or to simply call and talk to them as I do my shopping. I attend birthday celebrations (or at least remember to greet them) whenever I can.  Guess with these, it will also help me get rid of my fear #2.

5. Fear of not able to have my own child. Let me admit that this made it to my BIGGEST fear. It is something that I totally have no control of.  I fully understand that at my age (who has never given birth nor gotten pregnant) , it’ll be hard to conceive a child. And if I do, chances are it will be definitely difficult and risky.

How I dealt with it : Leave everything to Him. Prayers, prayers and prayers. Be ready for surprises.

Let me end this post with a quote I found somewhere online :

Fear is nothing more than an obstacle that stands in the way of progress. In overcoming our fears we can move forward stronger and wiser within ourselves. 

Fear

Jhoie pink sign trans

#TheSW30 Blogging Challenge – Day 3 : Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome

DAY 3Day 3 : Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

Okay you cried a bucket of tears and you felt your heart was like  crushed many times. And for days or weeks or even months, break-up songs repeatedly plays in music playlist starts to become your favorite now. You invite friends for an impromptu drinking spree to get an audience while you sulk about your relationship that just ended. On some days and nights when you are less energized you spent it alone in your room, crying.

Then sooner you will finally accept the fact that you are back to being single again. As it gets in to your system you will eventually appreciate things you don’t while you are still in a relationship.  

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against about having relationships and being married. But for now, let me enumerate a few (in random order) of the many awesome moments of being single. These are not only my personal experience but a collective statements I got from friends who does claimed that they are single and content, at least for now.  :
1. Those times when you are in long line at the FX terminal at the mall and the barker says ‘isa nalang’ (one more) and everyone ahead of you comes in pairs or groups. That was just awesome. Same goes when commuting becomes a sport best mastered when you are just solo.

2. When you don’t have to answer back ‘I love you too’.

3. You are not obliged to answer to a ‘templated’ texts such as “Where are you?”, “Have you eaten?”, “Good morning/afternoon/evening”.  

4. And if you don’t pick up the call on the second ring or even on the 20th attempt, no one will suspect that you are with someone else. And well, you can always reject a call or not return one, whenever you like. No one will threatened to break-up with you. 

5. When you can oversleep on weekends just because you can.

6. You can pose with anybody and post just about anything on Facebook without fear of someone might get jealous.

7. That bonding time with your friends of the opposite sex is not an issue.

8. Your decisions whether to take new courses, to live in a different city or time zone, a new car or a property only, a new job, a new business venture depends on your own sound decision alone and not because of a partner.

9. You can invite a random friend or an office mate for coffee, movie or dinner with no malice and you can always level up anytime you want to.

10. You dress and look your best for yourself and not for somebody else.

11. Your wallet can be thicker. Admit it, relationships can be costly sometimes. Unless you believe that love is more on the taking than giving.

12. You can splurge on stuff for yourself, your friends and for your family especially for those cute nieces and nephews of yours. 

13. You don’t have to answer the question :’when are you going to marry?’. It’s always a pressure when someone asks when you are still enjoying a bf-gf relationship.

14. You can schedule a trip or even go on a hiatus anytime without having to think that someone needs to be consulted or joined in. Solo trips when done smartly and carefully can be really awesome. Believe me.

15. That moment when you are in a restaurant or coffee shop alone and someone approached you and asks if you can share table with him/her. Say yes if the person looks harmless (and cute). He/she could be an instant new friend. Or maybe who knows, he/she could be ‘the one’?  Yey!

The list could be endless, but for now that’s just about it for me. Whenever sadness creeps in, I just count the ways why I chose to be single and what made me appreciate it.

Last week, I was chatting with an old friend who’s now single. He believed that he’s not lucky in love and even said that being single now leaves him too many options. Oh well, knowing him, I know he’s just kidding about it. But it could be half-meant.

Sometimes when we rushed in a relationship and half-way through it we will meet someone, let’s say better or someone we liked in the first place,  we don’t usually get out of our current relationship and jump to another, right?  But  we can always wish of having too many chances or options.

That being said, let us add that in our list an old saying  about ‘collect and select’.  That sounds fun right? But remember not to break too many hearts, including yours. At least not too much.

Join the 30-day blogging challenge, check out this link.  On my next post, I will share my greatest fears (which I don’t normally talk about) as a single person.

Jhoie pink sign trans

 

#TheSW30 Blogging Challenge Day 1 : “And why are YOU still single?”

DAY 1The author of the book ‘The Single Woman’, Mandy Hale started a  30-day Blogging Challenge, and I learned about it thru Facebook and I’m joining in the challenge. I believe this will help me also to stay in my habit to update my blogs and business websites regularly.

Today, being day 1 is about  one of the most favorite question people ask to single women. So how do I respond to “And why are you still single?”.  To some it may be a dreadful question to answer while for others it’s just some random simple question that needs an honest or witty answer. I chose to fall on the latter kind.

My usual witty response would be : “Ohhh (looks at my watch) it’s late (or too early). Let me try my luck again tomorrow (or maybe later)”.  Some may hear it as like I just missed the bus and I can always wait  for the next one to arrive anytime. For the more sensitive kind of people, they would take it as a subtle way to avoid a complicated question that has no convincing answer just yet. Depending on the reaction of the person on my response who asked, I would try to provide a polite answer or a rough one when provoked.

1. If the person laughs at my usual response : I will take it as an opportunity to kid about the question at hand. Thus, giving no proper answer why. Honestly, I sometimes think that I don’t really know why.

2. If the person sounded concern : I simply say I don’t know but I give the assurance that I am okay being single, at least now. Followed with ‘I don’t want to rush into things, I’m still young’. Now if that statement makes the person laugh, then I can do #1.

3. If the person sounds like he/she is just intriguing me  : With a smile, my immediate response would be a straight ‘It’s none of your business. haha!’. Then the topic will be dropped instantly.

4. The meanest reply I gave was –  ‘And why are you still married?’. lol.

I have a couple of single friends and occasionally I would also ask them the same question being thrown to me and it’s funny to hear how each of them has an amusing answer. Yes, we chose to take it lightly every time.

Seriously, in my heart I strongly believe that God created us in pairs, He only separated us in the beginning so we can better appreciate our pair when it’s time to unite again – in His time of course.  For now, I don’t want to stress myself thinking about why, the same way that I wish the people around me would trust me whenever I say, I am worried which I believe it’s a normal thing to feel, but I have strong faith that God has better plans for me.

For Day 2 of the challenge, I will post about a moment or a day (I don’t have much, honestly) when being single really sucked.

Jhoie pink sign trans

Are you game for a 30-day Single Woman’s Blogging Challenge? I am.

Today, I found out about the The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge on Facebook which the author, Mandy Hale started to help her jumpstart her creativity. At first I didn’t realized it’s gonna be about single blessedness until I clicked the link. I am currently in the process of updating my own personal blog (too much pending posts and exporting old blogs to my new domain name, argh!).

I guess I will take this challenge to help me jumpstart my own creative juices. I haven’t blog for quite awhile, so I better start off with this. The 30-day challenge will basically have the following topics. Anybody can start any day and may need not to stress herself to blog everyday. But hey, it’s a challenge, if you can afford to do it, just do it. Right? 🙂

To view my blog posts (which I will start posting tmrw, Oct. 16),  just click the links below or at my blog page at  #TheSW30. Happy reading and please share. Thanks!  :

The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge

1)      Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

2)      Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

3)      Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

4)      Your biggest fear as a single person.

5)      The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

6)      Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

7)      Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

8)      Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

9)      Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do (For example, I sometimes dance around the house with my cat to Frank Sinatra)

10)   Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

11)   Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

12)   Your proudest accomplishment

13)   Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

14)   Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful

15)   Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

16)   If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?

17)   What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

18)   If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?

19)   What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

20)   Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it

21)   How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

22)   What fictional character in a movie, tv show, or book do you identify with and why?

23)   Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!)

24)   If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

25)   Describe a moment when you “paid it forward.” What happened and how did it feel?

26)   Name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why

27)   Talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.

28)   Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career, Love, etc.

29)   Who is your closest or most special friend that you’ve never met and what do they mean to you? How did you cross paths? Talk about how you “met” them: Facebook, Twitter, an online support group, etc.

30)   Write a letter to your future mate saying whatever you want to say

Invite anyone who you think might be interested to participate. Post links to your blog posts in the comments below so we can all check them out! Or use the hashtag #TheSW30 on Twitter!

Mandy Hale’s book ‘The Single Woman’ is available on Amazon. Grab a copy now. I might get one for myself too as a birthday present to self.  But I don’t mind getting one from someone too. Hahaha!

It is also available in the Philippines at Powerbooks and National Bookstores. Hey, you can order online too.  🙂

sw powerbooks

Jhoie pink sign trans

What happiness means to you?

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. – Wikipedia

 

 

Welcome to my all new blog! From my old BULABLOGERA which I had since Friendster days, here I am now to a whole new one. Right now, I am not ready yet to tell why I decided to defunct my old blog. Little by little, I intend to migrate some old posts here too. My favorite ones, or relatively significant to my current. Right now,  I simply want change.  And kicking off my new blog the day before my birthday month I believe would be a good timing.
In this blog, I would like to primarily share my race to 40.Yes, I am turning 38 next month, and year by year, not a joke, I felt that my age just stopped at 28. I don’t know if that is good or not. But who cares? haha! I hope my readers could somehow relate to me, appreciate my humble stories and leave a smile on their faces after reading it. If it’s not too much to ask. 🙂

 

I cannot promise that I would only post positive stories about my adorable nephews and niece, my inaanaks (godchildren), they are the kind of bundle of joys I only got (at least at this time of writing), my crazy friends from my grade school and the friends I gained in between  years up to my current career,  my new found faith, my life’s little achievements, the beautiful flowerbed I passed by this morning, the efficient staff I got, the sunset, the sunrise, the beauty of nature and the monthly travels I commit myself into as the URL said so. Oh the list of happiness could be so endless. But I will try. I promise.

 

On the other hand, I would probably post my random rants about an impolite taxi driver, or the government official that instead of upsets me amuses me in a positive-negative-positive way, the traffic jam in Edsa, the gossiping colleagues… and even the guy who (I must admit) rocked my world, but broke my heart (again). These may not be pleasant stories to tell, but again who cares? They are part of my life and they are the reasons why I appreciate the life that I am happy about now. I would like to share those. Take it or leave it. Anyway, some of my friends are amused everytime I tweet happenings on the road, good or bad. Really.  🙂

 

So I guess like what the dictionary and what Google and Wikipedia defined it, happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being. Simple as – CHOICE. We have a choice to be happy or sad. It’s okay to entertain sadness occasionally and cry over it ( I am a sucker of movies and books that make me cry), but take a grip. Your sadness should not be bigger than your potential happiness.

 

Till next post. Live a happy life! Whatever that means to you. 🙂